Social pressures, self-doubt, constant limbo, frantic job hunting are part of the journey. Resilience is key.

Throughout your journey to becoming a legal professional, you not only deal with sudden self-doubt and worries about whether you belong, but you also deal with outside pressures. It is hard not to compare yourself to peers when they’re in the room with you answering the teacher’s questions so confidently, or when you’re told that your grades will be curved and so many want to know if they are ahead of the majority. Everyone in law school goes through this phase of questioning whether they belong or are doing the right thing, or even whether or not they have a brain.

In law school and after, you try really hard to get by. You may suspect that everyone else is cruising by, but in reality everyone is struggling and trying to keep their cool throughout the process. Once you graduate law school, you feel relieved—perhaps accomplished—because you kept going until graduation instead of just dropping out. However, after that, you experience the pressure of expectations that you’ll find a law firm to take you under their wing right away, or if not then you should save the planet or do something else to rationalize why you aren’t working right away. You feel bad if you aren’t working; you think that others are going to judge you, and you again have those thoughts of self-doubt.

Why do we compare ourselves? Even if we don’t compare ourselves and we are better for it, we still feel pressure when others ask, “So what are you doing now? Are you working?” Or perhaps we get it from our parents, because sometimes our parents like to talk about us to others. This doesn’t end after you’re done your work placements/internships/clerkships/articles either. I have finished all of that, and I’m glad I made it through, but at the same time each of our accomplishments are shadowed by the pressures of what we still need to do or what we haven’t achieved yet on our career path.

After I passed my first Ontario bar exam and finished the LPP training component, it still didn’t feel like a victory, because I was still applying for a work placement. While completing my work placement, I wrote my second Ontario bar exam and passed, and although I knew then that it would mean that I was getting called to the Bar and everyone was congratulating me, I still wasn’t excited because I didn’t have a job after my call date. While job searching, which includes attending way more networking events than usual, looking through my Indeed job alerts, and working on applications to various places, I have met a lot of amazing young lawyers who have been supportive and have come from an understanding point of view, saying that I shouldn’t worry. I try not to psyche myself out, because in this profession we can easily do that to ourselves.

Unfortunately, we will always have someone or something that puts pressure on us and makes us worry.  For me, I was told by someone close to me that if I don’t get a job within 3 months, employers are going to start wondering what is wrong with me, and that people who don’t get hired right away are looked at as the “bottom of the bucket.” This person is from another generation, and perhaps while meaning well, actually put me on the defence trying to explain to her that it is a tough market out there and that other people, including employers, will understand if you haven’t gotten something right away. Is it any help to agree and tell yourself that if you don’t get a job this week, that you might as well be labelled as the leftover?

In this profession, you have to not only be determined but resilient too. Your mental health and your ability to succeed are dependent on maintaining resilience in the face of the unknown or sudden changes and difficult situations. I will continue my job search, put myself out there, and continue to be grateful to all people I have met who have offered supportive words, shared their own stories, and who have even been willing to help me in my job search, looking out for potential leads in their own networks. To others in a similar situation, searching for a job while unemployed or worried about their next career step or current career situation, I say, “It is okay if you’re not there yet. Keep going. You’ve made it each step of the way so far, and you’re going to again. Believe in yourself.”

Update 2019/12/27: I accepted a job offer for a 13 month contract in which I get to learn and do things I wanted to get into. Timing is key. The law firm so happens to have a lawyer temporarily leaving, and I knew some of the people at the firm before, but I didn’t think they would be looking for anyone before. So sometimes timing has a lot to do with it, plus you’ll never know when someone you worked with or met previously will come back into your life professionally so try to stay in touch somewhat atleast, I know it can be tough, with your past colleagues, supervisors, family friends, or other people in your network. It goes to show, you don’t need to sabotage or push others, actually the opposite, you should try to be as helpful as possible and they’ll remember you in a positive light, while being resilient with obstacles and time.

2023/07/14: I’ve come to realize that I need a career change. Sometimes we try something and realize that it may be time for something else. I left the small firm I was working at and have decided I need a different job setting or practice. While I don’t regret gaining the experience in the areas, and getting to build upon certain skills that I wouldn’t have otherwise had a chance to use, I have come to the tough decision to go back into the job market search. Upon reading this, I decided I needed to update because I am again at a point where I’ve had to deal with a lot of the self-doubt and social pressures in my job search. It is dealing with the pressures to just fold and perhaps apply for a job I may have a better chance at even if it will make me miserable. However, as I attend endless amounts of network events again, I have received the wise words of senior lawyers before me, to be fierce. This post reminds myself, there will be those moments of self-doubt and pressures as we’ve all faced before in this profession but we must be resillient.